I wrote this just after the election to try to boost my spirits, but now that I hear it may be a theme in the new book that just came out, I thought I’d better post it now.

A Purely made up Fantasy

by Barbara Huntington

In a large skyscraper in New York City:

“Mr. Ivanov and Mr. Petrov to see you sir.”

“Ruskies. Joe, can you handle it? I’m trying out ways to fire that girl tonight to get the biggest outrage from the press, really big outrage! ”

“I checked their backgrounds, sir. They appear to be with the Russian bank you worked with on a deal in London? They say they will only talk to you. They said to mention their American investment.”

“Damn! Ok. Let me comb my hair. Tell them I am in the middle of a big TV deal, the best deal, will make me a lot of money. The most money. I have lots of money already. Lots of money.” (Reaches his right hand into his desk drawer and keeps it there.)

Two men in grey business suits enter as the assistant leaves. “Sir, you are aware of our deal?”

“Yes, it’s a great deal. The best deal. It will make us lots of money.”

“You are no doubt aware that the deal has gone under and you owe us five billion U.S. dollars? Oh, by the way, the gun you are holding in your desk drawer has no bullets. We unloaded it earlier as a precaution.”

“That is a big deal, lot’s of money, big money. Your bank will be very rich.”

“The deal is kapoot. You belong to us and we have what we believe will be a mutually beneficial solution. Wouldn’t you like to be President of the United States?”

“No way. I have my money, big money, my real estate, my TV show. The best TV show!”

“Our people have talked to your friend, the former president and convinced him, with his help we can get you the nomination. Of course, we are telling him, you cannot win the election, so he thinks his candidate will easily win the presidency.”

“What if I run and lose? Will that satisfy the debt?”

“Of course, Sir! Good by. Our office will be in your office, I mean in touch with your office.”

He sinks into his chair and reaches for his phone. “Hello, Scott? Yes, find me the best campaign person you can find. Tell him I am running for president, but want to come in second. Call Bill and tell him I rethought his suggestion and I’m going to go for it. We can do this. Oh, have your staff brainstorm a list of all the things a presidential candidate should never do or say. Yes, in a debate, in a rally, of course! (Pushes end button on phone.)

This will be the best! What a coup! No way do I want to win this thing, but what the hell, I have practice with the TV show being outrageous. They will never vote me into office. I will lose by the most votes ever and get out of five billion. I will lose to be the big winner! The biggest loser and the biggest winner! The best! Now who would be the best folks to make me unpopular?  (Pushes button on phone.)

Kathy, get me the number of the KKK, yes the Klan, and do you know any Nazis?