God and Genies –Published in The Guilded Pen, An Anthology of the San Diego Writers/Editors Guild Fifth Edition 2016

Do you remember reading under a soft blanket as a young child when you hugged the hard book against your chest to quiet your beating heart? When you feared the genie would require your three wishes before you worked out your perfect scheme? Do you remember your smug sigh, your clever plan to ask for infinite wishes, the chance to undo those that didn’t work out? Did you wake up, stare at the dark ceiling, ponder if the rules allowed you to string wishes in a daisy chain of “ands?”

When you gave up on genies, do you remember holding a different book, praying to God, “if you exist, please grant this prayer and if you are all wise, will you understand why I don’t believe and grant it anyway?” Did you nag your nonexistent god for an unambiguous sign?

When life brought ends, beginnings, suffering, nothing, something, hope, despair, did you confuse genies and gods, add, “if you exist,” to every secret plea in your dark night? Did you try to believe? Pretend to believe? Envy those who did? Did you meditate, medicate, hallucinate, hesitate to equate the unexplainable with a deity who would let you return to His arms or Her womb? Did you escape to a monastery, take a Bodhisattva vow, hope you could bring infinite compassion to infinite beings, secretly worry you would crumble at the first test? Did you wonder what happens when gods or genies reveal themselves? Infinite happiness? Infinite pain? Rebirth? Pull the plug? Lights out?

Now when your crooked hands cling to the soft blanket, when you’ve seen the here, then not here of death, when friends and loves have gone on to what they expected or didn’t, do you still hug the hard book against your beating heart, ask for an unambiguous sign, pray for easy transition to something or nothingness and add,“if you exist?”

Lieu Quan Meditation Center–Warner Springs, CA